Memories of Sue McAllister

I am Sue's daughter-in-law, but for the 8 years I have known her, she has never once referred to me in that way; only simply as her daughter. Other than the short time we lived in Utah after we were married, Cortney and I have never had the chance to live in close proximity to Sue, let alone the same state and most of our relationship has been forged over the phone. But it didn't matter; I was still her daughter and she told me so all the time.

Motherhood came much sooner in my life than I ever anticipated and I spent much of my first pregnancy in a frustrated panic as I had virtually no experience taking care of babies, and I was not happy about coming to grips that numerous other plans I had for my life at that point had been completely derailed. To put it simply: I had no clue what I was doing. But Sue never wavered in her faith in me as a mother. She just kept telling me that I could do it, and not only that I could do it, but that I would be great at it. She was my biggest advocate as a wife and a mother. She frequently told me how she had "prayed" me into Cort's life and expressed such sincere appreciation for the happiness I brought to her son. It was so easy to feel treasured and cherished by Sue. I always knew she valued me as an individual and what I brought to her life and family. On a few bad days, I'd call her and she was so complimentary, even over the phone that by the time the call was over I felt like I was the most capable person on earth.

I regret our boys weren't able to spend much time with her because we lived so far away and visits were few and far between. But I know my children were constantly at the forefront of her mind. They brought her so much happiness. She would gush over every picture of them on Facebook and whenever we would talk on the phone after, she'd tell me who they looked like between Cort and I. She always asked such specific questions about each of them that it was clear she thought about them individually often and always followed up if she knew any of them were sick or struggling with anything else. Our last chat was just two days before her passing--calling to wish me a happy birthday. It was the first time we had been able to talk since our baby, Matt, was born two weeks prior. She wanted to know everything about him and said over and over how much she loved him. There was such a joy and contentment in her voice, more than usual. I'll always remember how happy she sounded our last conversation together.

I sing to our son, Will, each night to help him fall asleep. I've been singing this one lately and I have found great comfort and meaning in it since Sue's passing.

My life is a gift, my life has a plan
My life has a purpose, in heaven it began.
My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth
And seek for God's light to direct me from birth.
I will follow God's plan for me.
Holding fast to his words and his love.
I will work and I will pray
I will always walk in His ways
And I will be happy on earth and in my home above.

I am so sad I can't be at the memorial today, but we decided it was best if I stayed home with our boys this week. Each day I have felt helpless that I can't do hardly anything to assist with memorial arrangements, and I felt like I was missing my final chance to do something for Sue. But my silver lining has been that Tamber and I, as her daughters, will be able to do her temple work soon, and we both anxiously await that day. I find comfort in knowing we can give her that, and it will mean so much more to her than the service I am missing today. There is nothing she would have wanted more than to be linked to her children and grandchildren for eternity. She has given me so much through the gift of her son, it's the least I can do to try to repay her.

Sue, my heart is heavy, but I know this is not a sad day for you; it's a joyful one. Now you're free and happy and relieved. Just like in the song, this is your plan, and your plan is continuing now. Keep workin' girl. We'll see you soon. Love,
Amy