Alisa

Yesterday, there was a moment (a lot longer than a moment, actually) around 5 pm, where my life felt so loud and chaotic and dysfunctional. Will was having a tantrum about doing homework. He hasn't had much outside time up to this point because his brothers were sick, so we just laid low at home. Will needs lots of outside time. Lots of running time. Lots of time. He usually comes home from school like a pistol from having to be so focused for so long. I usually let him eat whatever he wants and take him somewhere to play immediately after we get home from school and then we try to refocus around 5 or 6. But it wasn't going well. He said a lot of hurtful things. Lots of screaming at me. Firm and loving discipline was getting me nowhere (it usually doesn't with him). Sometimes when he's like this, I throw him in the car and we go for a drive and I try to talk sense into him until he can calm down.

In moments like this, I just feel like life isn't working. Not that I'm a bad mom or anything, but just that something feels broken. Aren't kids supposed to respond to consequences/rewards? I swear both of those things rarely motivate him. It feels like we don't speak the same language at times. Surely, there is something i can do to teach him self control in angry situations. But I haven't found that yet. Sometimes minutes, sometimes hours later, he always comes to his senses, and feels remorse and we have a good talk and I tell him a million times that I'll always love him. No matter what. Later, we even went grocery shopping and he was such a fantastic sidekick. We had so much fun together, and everyone knows how much I hate grocery shopping.

I heard a long time ago that it's a good sign when kids unleash at home, because it means they know they are safe to do so. Unleashing in a different venue, likely wouldn't be filled with such understanding. I told myself that again last night and said a prayer that God would help Will to know that I would always be there to help him pick up the pieces, and that we could learn together how to mature in angry situations.

Duke had been sick yesterday with the flu, but he woke up at midnight last night and basically vomited every 30 min until 9 am. While no mother wants to clean up vomit ever, I was thankful for a day when I knew what to do. Just clean (and clean and clean) and love. But mostly love. It was going to be easy to meet Duke's needs today, because they were so obvious.

The day progressed to be the grossest day in my career as a mother thus far. One kid vomited all day. Another had diarrhea. The amount of bodily fluids I cleaned up shouldn't be discussed. But I was thankful for the perspective of the day before because while I hated cleaning up, I enjoyed my role of being the comforter to my
children. I knew I could do it, and I'd be successful. Figuring out tantrums and behavior modifications can feel a little like playing with a rubix cube. Today wasn't the perfect day, but it wasn't horrible either. It could have been a lot worse, probably. We all survived and were happy at the end of the day.

Fast forward to this evening, when I learned a very special lady had past away after an 8 year battle with melanoma at the age of 36. She had three sons, just like me. I owe a lot of inspiration to her-- Alisa Linton. I have chosen on more than a few occasions to live a better life because of how she lived hers. She showed me how to love my children more, and how to find beauty in unlikely circumstances.

What to hear the craziest part?

I've never even met her.

She is the sister of a woman I knew briefly in Columbus. I knew her sister when her battle was just beginning and have followed her blog ever since. After a string of powerful miracles, it seemed as though her time was coming to an end and she focused on the miracle that eternal life was waiting for her. I'm going to miss her so much and her wisdom. I might just print out her blog and read it every year for myself. So many insights in there that can make anyone take a second look and find the positive.

She was beloved by all. Her blog never posted ads, yet had heavy traffic. They all loved her. They all had comments to share of a time Alisa touched them. And all of this really makes me wonder, what kind of life do I live? Is the way I live my life uplifting to others? Do people want to love their families more because of how they see me interact with mine? Do people strive to know God because of the relationship they see I have with deity? Do they serve their fellow man more? Do they love their life more because of how I lived mine?

Maybe. Maybe not.

But I sure hope when my time comes that the consensus would be yes.

I'm sure Alisa would have given anything to be in the health to clean up vomit all day, like I did today. To take Lysol wipes to virtually every surface of her home, and do more laundry than anyone should ever have to do in a single day.

I finished the day really cheerful, just for her. I didn't care about bedtimes and just let the boys be. She was always so good at cherishing ever moment with her boys. And writing. She was such a phenomenal writer. Her boys will be so thankful for her dedication to documenting things on her blog, and what a window is to such a special soul.




Duke made this at bible study a few weeks ago. It's one of my most favorite things ever. I hope the gates to heaven have gold and purple sequence on them, and they're every bit as majestic as they are in a four year old's mind.

Thanks Alisa, for inspiring me to be my best self. Lets chat someday.




Sorry for the lame screen shot, but isn't she so pretty??

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone