'til We Eat Again- The Teaser

2nd Grade, Circa 1992

Laguna Hills, CA



Valentine’s Day in elementary school is really just a popularity contest. Who has the most valentines, who brought the best valentines, whose valentine receptacle (shoe box) was decorated the best, and most importantly, who brought the best candy attached to their valentine. This year is really no different than all the rest. I don’t remember what my valentine mail box looked like this particular year, but I’d play Vegas odds it was pink with purple paper hearts and feathers attached to it with way too much Elmer’s Glue.

In the midst of the great and terrible valentine exchange, I hear from a few of my friends that they received hand-made valentines from classmate/beau/future-reason-to-gossip-once-we-got-to-6th-grade Wesley. Being the aspiring 2nd grade artist that he was, Wesley carefully and thoughtfully drew a different picture on everyone’s valentine corresponding with their known hobbies and interests. Ashley Johnson had a softball and bat lovingly displayed on hers and Nels Anderick ‘s (major 2nd grade—and every grade thereafter—hottie) showcased a basketball hoop with Nels actually making a jumpshot with his brightly colored orange ball. What talent! Excitement filled my festive pink socks, all the way up to my purple fringed vest as to what Wesley could have drawn on my very own custom valentine. Thoughts quickly crossed my mind as I guessed/hoped what it could be. I didn’t play any sports, so he’d have to think really hard on this one. But in the movies, the guy always “knows” the girl and predicts just the thing to make her swoon, right? Maybe he could draw me sitting at home and watching Saved By the Bell? Oh, or maybe even me working on one of my plastic lanyard keychain masterpieces? My potholder loom? Really, any of those would be an excellent choice, and would show the true emotion of the day—love!

I rushed over to my disguised PayLess shoebox to look inside and, luckily, Wesley’s valentine was on the top which would prevent me from having to dig through to the bottom to unearth this soon-to-be prized possession. It would have been so tacky to have to mask my excitement while I tried to casually filter through my precious valentines, to find the one and only Wesley masterpiece. If I did, I most certainly would have gotten the wow-you-are-so-uncool look from Sara Mofid—the ultimate effortless cool/beautiful girl. I pull it out and it’s a simple white paper folded in fourths with a sketch on the front ok, maybe it was a pitiful pencil drawing with way too many rubbed out eraser marks. What is it going to be? Which one of my hobbies will Wesley draw to display his true feelings for me? And then the anticipation ended with a hault as to my horror I discovered there was a Slurpee on my valentine. The brand Slurpee had been exchanged for “Slushie” with a straw coming out the top of the domed lid cup. Ouch. Allow me to explain.

My maiden name, Slusser, is a pretty hard name to grow up with in the easy-to-pronounce category. I spent most of my youth correcting my friends and teachers as to how to pronounce my last name. The double “s” usually throws them and I’m constantly reminding them that its not Slusher, Sleusser, or Sleusher. It’s just Slusser. Now, isn’t that easy enough? A few times, I was given the dreaded nickname of “Slushie”, which still makes me red in the face to contemplate to this day. Apparently, that nickname carried more clout that I had previously considered, as shown by my valentine artwork. The deepest wound of all was coming to grips with the fact that when Wesley thought of me, he thought of a Slurpee, instead of my other desirable qualities, like my obvious potholder looming skills. As bad as the heartache was at the time, I’ve moved on and by 4th grade I was pretty much over it.

You probably think the story ends there, but it doesn’t. I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet! You want to hear it?! Ok, I’ll tell you. Wesley’s full name was:

Wesley Putimatima.

No joke.