Will- 8 Months

You are now 8 months old! I usually take this time to write down all the new things you are doing everyday, but I can't think of very many this month. I'm sure you are developing just fine, I probably just haven't been paying attention because of the crazy month and trying to keep you from killing yourself. However, a few things to note:

You pinch when you get mad. This is usually when we are changing your clothes (you HATE this) and you reach out and pull dad's arm hair or pinch us. What's worse is that you usually pinch me under my arm... which is a huge reality shocker... I need to work out my arms so there is no loose skin to pinch.

You're getting to be quite the climber and in another month you'll have the arm strength to pull yourself up and just about anything.

When we're eating on the couch (we don't have a table), you come over begging for food.

You love playing with other babies.

You constantly pant like a dog when you are crawling to get something. It's like its so exhilarating for you, you run out of breath. You also can whistle sometimes and its so cute.

You can hold onto the top railing of your crib and stand on your tippy toes.

When you are asleep, but you're stirring like you are almost waking up, you start whimpering (this whole time your eyes are closed) and you reach your little hand around and start feeling for your binky and hurry up and put it in your mouth before you wake up. It cracks me up every time.

I got the flu a few days ago and while I'm feeling much better now, being sick like that again made me think a lot about when I was pregnant with you and I wanted to write about that. This post isn't to make anyone feel sorry for me or to bring pity on, but rather to just express the sacrifices that went into getting Will here and prove to my son that every single ounce of it was worth it to be with him.

I was sick (and when I mean "sick" that means I was in the bathroom everyday) for 4 months. After those 4 months, I teetered for a long time and had bouts of sickness fairly regularly for the next 3 months. The first 4 months were the worst. Most days I forgot how many times I vomited and it was very common for Dad to get home from class and find me with my head in the toilet or lying on the bathroom floor. On those days, it wasn't uncommon for me to vomit 5+ times an hour. At the worst of it, I lost more than 20 lbs in a little less than 3 weeks. It took so much energy for me to do anything that I would sleep for hours after just taking a shower. I didn't even have the strength to dress myself after I showered and I would crawl into bed wet and naked and sleep for hours until I could get up to put clothes on. And I didn't even really shower because I was afraid of standing up that long that I would fall down because I was so weak. I would sit in the tub and turn on the water when I wanted to wash my hair.

We didn't have cable and I spent a lot of time laying in bed, looking up at the ceiling counting dots. Dad would leave me some snacks on the dresser before he went to school because there were some days that I couldn't make it to the kitchen to even get crackers. I'm still not sure to this day how Dad was able to handle those first few months. He would go to school all day, come home and ask, "Babe, what can I get you?" and take care of me until I went to sleep, then study till 2 am and then start the whole day over again in the morning. And he never even seemed bothered by it. I had quite a few trips to the hospital and these past few months I've been visiting Abby in the high risk ward and the nurses still remember me! The worst part of being in the hospital were the potassium injections. They put it through the IV and it feels like your veins are on fire and turning themselves inside-out. All in all, I was checked into the Riverside Hospital 8 times before you were born. The first time, I was there for 3 days to get rehydrated. The first day I was there, they didn't allow me to eat anything, just shoved fluid through my veins and I gained 4 lbs that day and I didn't even eat anything- just shows how emptyI was. Some days I just sobbed thinking, "How can I even do one more day of this?" but somehow another night would pass and it was the morning again and whole day began again. 'Just one more day' became a mantra and I had to tell myself that all the time to just get to the next day.

It took me months before I could walk through the grocery store without feeling like I was going to puke. Until I was 5 months pregnant, I never left a 3 miles radius from our apartment because I was afraid I would get sick and not be able to get home. Dad slept on the couch for 5 months straight because he wanted me to get all the sleep I could because if I ever woke up at night, I would start throwing up and not be able to stop for an hour or more. I took lots of medications, most of which was Zofran. It's a drug commonly given to chemo patients to help with nausea. Its $40 a pill and I took it 3 times a day. I never really could tell a difference, but I kept taking it because I was afraid of it getting worse if I didn't.

By the time 6 months rolled around, I was feeling pretty good. It was at this time that I broke even with my pre-pregnancy weight. From here on out, I was mostly functional and by the time 9 months rolled around, I was walking 5 miles a day for exercise. It was amazing to me how quickly things changed in that last trimester. I was induced 4 days early and you were born 5 hours after they started the pitocin. Labor and delivery were a cinch and I feel I had a pretty easy recovery. All in all, I gained 11 lbs. You were 8.5 lbs of that. Most women hate the end of their pregnancies and labor and delivery are horrible. Those were the best times for me and if pregnancy consisted of the last trimester, labor, delivery, and recovery, I would have 10 kids.

I still get bouts of nausea, for no reason, but it's almost a friendly reminder so I don't forget how much effort it took to get you here. I never want to forget that. I never want to forget how I felt like we were a team for those 9 months. We took everything together, you and me, side by side. One time I told Dad, that after such a rough pregnancy, I just wanted a mellow little boy to just be buddies with for a while. And that is exactly what we got. We still take everything together as a team (of 3) and I hope it will always be this way. Every morning when I go to get you out of your crib, your smile and the anticipation of us coming to get you make everything so worth it. I know that every mother loves their child and every mother/child relationship is different, but I tend to think that our is special because there were so many sacrifices to get you here. I learn so much from you. I think that's what parenthood is all about. Learning from each other. Dad and I love you more and more every day, Will. I have no doubt that families are designed in heaven, but I know that you were definitely supposed to come to us and everything it took for us to get you here made us so much happier and we would not be the same kind of family without you or those experiences. In all honesty, I look back on these memories with fondness because there were so many blessings that happened to our family when I was sick. Things happened that I know were direct blessings from heaven to help us get through that time and we all loved each other so much that I don't really consider being pregnant a 'bad' time, just very challenging. You have an incredible ability to make everyone around you feel so happy and I think that is a talent you will have for the rest of your life. It's not uncommon for students to show up at our apartment wanted to play with you when they are 'having a bad day' and when I take you to school you literally cause a blockage in the hallway because there are so many people lined up excited to see you. You're a ladies man already.

I'm sorry to say that with this flu episode, you definitely will not be having any brothers or sisters soon (at least not in the next 2 years) but I'm looking forward to all the time we will be able to share together being buddies- all 3 of us.