New Years Resolution...Sort of

I don't really believe in New Years resolutions, probably because the cynical me hates that everyone forgets what their resolutions were by March, but its probably mostly because I think I should always be trying to improve myself, not just one day a year.

That in mind, I was thinking the other day that I tend to feel guilty over stupid things. Well, not really guilty, but maybe self conscious. I started making a mental list of things I have no reason to feel guilty over and here they are:

I used to feel guilty that: Will doesn't eat vegetables.
I don't feel guilty anymore because: I don't think I ate vegetables until I was 10. My kid might not eat the most balanced diet, but its not like he's eating Burger King for every meal. He'll figure out vegetables rock someday.


I used to feel guilty that: I didn't feel guilty about saying things I knew made people uncomfortable. Now, before you judge me, allow me to explain. I secretly LOVE saying subtle things to "put people in their place" or to make them feel slightly uncomfortable. For instance: I love referring to myself at "knocked up" to prim and proper women at church just to see their faces and saying things like "Will, you don't need to wash your hands today because you washed them yesterday" around people I know who are germaphobics (rest assured you all, I wash Will's hands multiple times a day. You can take sigh of relief now). One time when I was at the grocery store, I was checking out with my WIC items and since it takes forever to do that, an older woman behind was obviously upset that my checkout process was taking so long and say as much to the cashier and mentioned that because of me she was missing her hair appointment. It might also be good to point out that this particular grocery store was in an affluent area, where most people don't know anyone on WIC. After I checked out, I turned to the mean lady and said with a smile, "Thank you so much for paying your taxes so my baby can eat." I smiled all the way to the car and have never regretted it.
Why I don't feel guilty for this anymore: Its the little inner victories that just make life sweet, isn't it?

I used to feel guilty because: we don't have any travel plans involving Utah any time in the near future.
I don't feel guilty for this anymore because: we have come to Utah 10x more than anyone has come to see us and if they miss us, they know where we live. Since we have lived in Ohio, we have made quite a few trips back to UT, all while we had NO money. It was a stretch every time we came, but we came, and I used to feel guilty that we weren't able to come back more, until I realized my thinking was backwards. We have lots of room for visitors and would love to show you around our city any time you like.

I used to feel guilty because: my house is never clean unless you come over at 10 pm.
I don't feel guilty for this anymore because: I realize my house will never look like a model home, but it will also never be condemned by the county health department. A good friend of mine (her children are all grown) told me about a year ago that if she could go back and change anything about how she raised her kids, she said she wished she would have realized that "the best mom's have the messiest houses". So that's my mantra now. I never ever want Will to remember that I didn't have time to play with him because I had to clean. And when I die, I doubt I'll be regretting that my home didn't smell like Lysol more often.

I used to feel guilty that: we don't have very much expendable money.
I don't feel guilty for this anymore because: I'm extremely proud at what we have and know that we've done it all ourselves. We missed a family reunion last summer strictly because we did not have money to go. It was hard to be the ONLY ones not there and I felt horrible that we just didn't have the money to do it (we were also the only ones who lived more than 5 hours (driving) away from the reunion site so our travel expenses were about 6x what everyone else's was). But you know what? Life went on and we stayed out of debt, which is a lot more than most Americans can say. We didn't have the money and I'm glad I didn't cave in. I'm sure I'll continue to be the "bad guy" until the end of time (especially when our kids are older) because I say "no" in financial situations, but getting into debt won't get us anywhere, and I'll stand by that no matter how bad I feel.

And there's my list. I'm sure I'll keep adding to it.