2/6

Today was hard. It feels so long since I've felt like I've had a break if any kind. And I feel guilty because I feel like I should be able to handle my life, but today I most certainly COULD NOT handle my life. I have felt for weeks that while I'm busy all day, I never feel like I have anything accomplished by the end of the day/week/month. And things just kept building. Cort traveling. Cort's church calling. Will, and all that entails. Not sleeping because of Duke/Matt. Snow days when kids should be at school. And I cracked. Big time. The boys told me "it's ok Mommy, don't be sad" a few times that night. And it's not that I was sad, I was just so overwhelmed and there seemed to be no relief in sight. In reality, I don't have THAT much going on, but I just felt like I could never catch my breath, never could regroup with Cort, never feel like I was caught up in the most basic of tasks. And I guess that just really wears on you after a while.

I had a long "session" when Cort came home of venting through many tears. I think we sorted out some sort of a plan to help alleviate the load, but man, having a young family and feeling like you're giving/getting enough is so hard and a constant balancing act. I kept feeling "if I were caught up with x, y, z, I could devote more time to helping Will or being more patient or reading to Duke or remembering to give Matt tummy time etc. And it just felt like I was never ever going to catch up.

2/7

Irony at its finest. School and work were cancelled today because of inclement weather although there was zero precipitation all day. Cort took the boys to the dollar theater to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, while I stayed home with Matt. That was the best $6 we've spent in a while and I will make sure Cort takes them to at least two movies a month to give me some "catch up time".

It was so glorious. Matt slept, and at one point I had two pots of soup on the stove to freeze, a box of Samoas open, a diet coke, and was researching other recipes I could make over the weekend to freeze. I even showered. The house hasn't been that quiet in a long time. It was well with my soul.

We took the boys to play at Chick Fil A, then a quick grocery store run. Went home and put the boys in bed and watched the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. I fell asleep after the first hour.

Today would have been Sue's 61st birthday. I really missed her today. I hope she had a great day in heaven.




Cort doing some work from
Home.




I even gave Matt a bath! I love holding naked babies!

2/8

Duke peed the bed big time last night and had a hard time going back to sleep. I woke up feeling like I had been steamrolled, but whatever. We went to the gym, where I could barely keep my eyes open as I rode the bike. Ride for 30 minutes and it said I burned 130 calories. Isn't that how much you would burn without doing anything? I read Dad is Fat while I ride the bike. I was too tired to laugh, so I smiled a few times.

Then it was Stake Women's Conference. While I was there, a girl sitting next to me had some B.O. After she got up, I could still smell it, and realized I had been smelling myself. Nice, Amy. #momproblems It was a good conference and a very very welcome break from the daily grind.

Came home and took the boys to the park while Cort helped someone move. He forgot he needed to ask someone to chaperone the stake dance, so he'll have to go but we decided to get a babysitter and go together. I swear its been at least a year since we've hung out. I hope I can stay awake.

PS I really really love Duke. He has too much personality for his own good. And I love that he puts himself to bed. It's so wonderful.